Have You Ever

Seen Him touched by snow? Or rain, for that matter?

It snowed today, and I watched for a while until I couldn't take it any more and had to close the window and sit in a corner for a while. Pathetic, I know. Still, it bothered me. It's not like the clouds parted right overhead just so that snow wouldn't fall on Him or anything like that. It fell above, and then... it just disappeared.

Maybe it just shows how He doesn't belong here... I don't know.

Says a lot that I just ponder metaphysical question about Him after getting over my fit of fear. I'm not worrying about missions or going up against Revenants or leaving the house... I worry about you guys, but considering the options, I suppose I could say I'm lucky so far.

How ironic that I go into a BSoD about everything that happens, then. I should be... I don't know. More willing to support you guys. Sorry. If you ever cross the border and come up here, might be willing to help out. Slightly. I'm pretty isolated, though - all of you seem to be in America or Europe, right?

I Suppose I Should Thank You

For following me, I mean. 22 people?

I'm surprised. Welcome, to all of you - and I'm sorry, things have been... crazy enough that I didn't mention you at all.

...Yeah. Been writing and doing what Echo advised to keep from freaking out too much. Makes it easier.

...I wrote a story about... Him for my final project for Writer's Craft. I thought getting all the fear out would make it easier, you know?

That... didn't work.

Don't know why I'm telling you guys this. Things are still crazy... but you guys are acting like you have plans. Maybe you don't and I'm just too blinded by hero worship to see it.

Whatever.

A Hell For Others

Redlight.

Beyond... Slender Man - it hurts to type that out, and I feel cold every time - I think he's the person I fear most. Because beyond something I can't understand, he'd be the most likely to beat me into the ground. To torture me because my weaknesses are so obvious, because I'm too small and too weak and never, ever strong enough in any way to do anything at all.

I'm a wimp.

I scare easily, I huddle in a corner and then I turn selfish - I'd sacrifice people to save my own skin. I want all of you - every last person and your problems and your hope and desperation - to just disappear so this is all a dream or a game and so I don't need to care anymore. It'd be so much easier...

There. The truth. I want to help - but at the same time, such a large part of me whispers that if you all just disappeared, if I stopped caring, things would be better. Rationally, I know they wouldn't, but... it never stops. Robert forgot - but he came back. Maybe because he's selfless. Maybe because we needed him so badly. If that happened to me - if I took the deal - I'd just die in a corner, huddled up and paralysed with fear. It wouldn't take long.

Is that an easy way out? I don't know.

I'm too scared to take it. What if it hurts?

What's going on right now... I want to help. But talking might draw more attention to me. I can't stand what Redlight's doing - but my one yell at him might be enough. What if I become more of a target? I can't bear that.

How do you guys keep hope alive? I feel like I'm going to die just out of terror.