i was never scared

i was never scared

i was never scared

i was never scared

i was never scared

i was never scared

i didnt know

what to do

left her there so much blood wonder when someone will find her

her eyes were open so i didnt look

been moving

Hunting

when i slept, i dreamed of killing you all

all of you so strong, some so confident, others managing to live and live and live - i could not do it so i hid in fear until i was Chosen and then i lied, and smiled in my dreams

So many not yet fallen, so many i could Hunt

once i wanted to be like you all

echo isnt here anymore

she bleeds like i bled when i was Marked but i could not let her be Marked

i was Chosen i was special i am the only one to sleep and dream and wake

He would come for her, but i should be the only Marked and Chosen

she ran anyways, but her hunt is ended

the echoes are fading

Awakening - Reality

shinjutsu

truth

but i was dreaming and there is no truth in sleep

i was dreaming and i wanted to wake up

soon, soon the trees said but i wanted to wake up and

i am awake now

i looked up to you all

so strong so brave so wise and it was easy to dream of fear i wanted to be like you but i could not and then i was Marked

and now there is no more sleep no more dreams

i can begin

Shitshitshit

I can't see most of my Twitter past the April Fool's stuff, and... Echo hasn't let me touch the computer until I promised I would only post an update.

I- I think I've been losing time. I blink and Echo leaves the room to get something to eat - and then suddenly she's at the computer and reading something I wrote that I can't remember and can't see. And what I wrote isn't... good, going by her expression and the questions she's asked.

Her blog is scrambled for me - I can see it, and read stuff, but some of the text is squished and inverted.



I'm scared.

so close 


just dozing


i can hear the voices

To Recap

Echo probably doesn't trust me at all right now given I can't see anything important, I'm not about to kill my head trying to go around a perception filter - nifty name for it, Ryuu - and I actually feel...

Well, great. Well-rested and all that. I'd be in a good mood if things weren't so tense right now. I don't even have that weird thing with my sight whenever I see trees... Traded one filter for another, maybe.

Think I'll see if I can't get something to eat... soon.

Something's Not Right

Echo pressured me into posting this update - she says that it'll be useful, but all I have to report is... weirdness. Might as well start at the beginning.

I slept for a really long time - like, unusually long, maybe because I was forcing myself to stay up before - and when I woke up, the laptop was on to an empty screen. Echo... seemed really tense. She didn't yell or anything, but I think she's worried, and she didn't really explain why - when I asked if I had moved around, she seemed even more weirded out.

I clearly don't remember what I seemed to have done, but when she tried to explain it, it just came out as a mess. I checked, and my blog and dashboard are... fine. Everything's working, all the blogs I follow show up, though Echo seems iffy about me being on the computer for long in general.

At least I don't feel as tired or nervous anymore, you know? Sleep is really good for something.

i can hear them rustling in my head


ware, oh ware, who is chosen, marked as sacred?


Blood on the trees


shh, shh, no more pain soon

Currently Imprisoned

So. Not sure when we'll be on the move again, given we have a stalker and I seem to be in the habit of trying to re-enact an escape the room game in my sleep. gnignahc era sgniht 

I'm... trying to be sarcastic and lighthearted about it but I kind of broke down a little before. Crying and stuff. I'm a crybaby - I do it a lot. I'm sure Echo's fed up with me bawling just because I can sleepwalk now. ekaw i lliw nehw

I... don't know what to do, other than drink coffee and set alarms so I don't sleep long. Doors are locked. I feel like I'm... betraying Echo somehow. We're supposed to be Running and I'm tripping her up all the time.

I'm so sorry.

Why Am I Here?

Not an existential crisis. I'm not that far down the list yet.


No - because I fucking woke up in the afternoon today with Echo screaming at me, about the leave the hotel room, and I don't remember it.


I've been sleeping. A lot. Later than I've ever been used to. Not like... this, though. It's not... lost time or teleporting, but I just...


I was sleepwalking. How ridiculous - my parents weren't afflicted and apparently it's genetic, though there are factors that could have helped provoke it. From Wikipedia: Other precipitating factors to sleepwalking are those factors which increase the slow wave sleep stage.^[15] These most commonly include sleep deprivation, fever, and excessive tiredness


Just fucking great. And sleepwalkers look like zombies too. Much as I wanted to get back at Echo in some way for her prank... freaking her out like this was not what I wanted to do.


I feel sick.

So Yeah

Um. That was an April Fool's joke, if it wasn't obvious enough. I wanted to go "I am Redlight" but pranks are supposed to be at least kind of believable, right?

Also, he/it/they scare me enough that I wouldn't ever try to taunt him/it/them.

Other than that? Echo clearly did not resist the urge to prank me while I was sleeping. I now have scribbly scales in permanent marker on my arms. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with pigeons - or me mentioning I used to have dreams where I was a dragon. Regardless, she's been laughing and being smug since I got up, and it's hard to stay mad right now. I mean, I haven't laughed for a really long time.

So yeah. Thanks, even if you are smirking at me from across the room right now. Stay safe, everyone.

EDIT: Ohai, proxy followers. I would welcome you, but you're proxies and have only been creeper lurkers anyways. So. Why are all of my newest followers proxies? It's kind of weird.

I Can't Keep Silent Anymore

To watch you guys worry like that - it's ridiculous. You don't even know wHo I Am. All so gullible - it's Honestly such a lAugh. I never thougHt I'd hAve this much fun leading you all on.

Care to play a game?

Happy April 1st.

Too Few Decisions

Echo's been at me for a while to move. I don't know... I'm so tired of just going from place to place in a country I don't even live in. Maybe it's just the constant travelling.

Maybe it's not.

Sometimes I could swear I hear this... I don't know. If you took the sound of rustling leaves, I guess, and stifled it and lowered the volume so it's just this sound in the back of your head. Barely noticeable. I can't even convince myself that it's there.

I'm so scared of what'll happen if I stay here, but even when we do move around, the sound is still there. We can't run forever, right?

...Sorry, being a downer again. I know we need to keep moving, but... I'm so scared. I don't know how Echo manages to be cheerful enough to scare pigeons and stuff like that. I just can't do it.

Note to Self

If I ever go batshit and try to leave because of trees, don't get pissed off when I am stopped by Echo.

Also: Redlight, your comment makes me feel so much better. Now having the possibility and great honour of being hacked by a magnificent bastard like you, well...

I'll probably suffer but this, but I'm in a weird mood, so fuck you.

Fuck

no cant bear it dont want to see it again branches and thorns reaching out dont make me go i dont wantto why why why why why save me


That was my dream. The one I apparently didn't remember, and didn't write down.


Either I fooled myself into thinking I hadn't, and deleted the post somehow, or... a proxy or Revenant or Redlight(s) or whathaveyou hacked my blog and put it up there and then deleted it, just to freak me out.


I'll admit... goddammit, it's too easy to remember... that place. 


I need to... do something. Take my mind off of... this.

Fuck, why can't I get away?

Thanks

I totally feel like I can trust you guys when you make a cryptic comment, refuse to explain and then tell me it's for my own good.

I won't complain if you keep secrets from me about yourself. Everyone does the same - I mean, it's the internet, right? But when it's about me, and the one person who could help refuses to because I don't need to know?

Well, I'm a bit pissed off.

That Nagging Feeling

It seems I've finally developed a proxy sense, or at least a way to tell something's up. Wish I had gotten it before I went out like an idiot and got scratched up for my pains.

Something feels wrong. I've told Echo this time - while sneaking some coffee because being hyper on caffeine is better than feeling like I'm about to fall asleep - and nothing's shown up yet. I don't have any pressing urge to suddenly go outside and stare at trees, so...

Some random other stuff has been nagging at me. I have this urge - from my grandmother, I think - to pick at scabs or make random bleedings wounds on my fingers or face when I'm worried or bored. I think I must've been doing it unconsciously lately, because I keep waking up with blood on my fingernails. Ehh, and I need to cut them anyways - stupid sensitive nailbeds. I can't touch cloth or file them after I cut them or I'll start shivering.

I guess this post was pretty random, but nothing has shown up and nothing is good, so...

Damn, wish I had some cool catchphrase to sign off a post with.

Blah

I was planning to get up early and write down what I dreamt, but I must have woken up and then fallen asleep again... Happens a lot, but I thought determination would be enough to keep me awake for once.I guess not.

Still feel tired, but nothing else - not sore or getting a headache or even that shitty feeling when you're sick but nothing hurts yet. Um. Am I really jumping at shadows? I guess it's understandable, considering what's been happening.

I see I have 34 followers, which is pretty surprising. Er, hi? Thanks for following me - Janus, Maze, Elizabeth, Steph. Not that I'm really doing anything to help, especially now that I'm so conked out all the time, but... 

An Experiment

I'll try to get to the laptop and write down my dream right after I wake up - it'd be better if I was in a hypnotic trance or something, but maybe I am dreaming something that I just can't remember except for the first few moments. I've had something like that happen before, and it's not like I have much else to do right now...

This bothers me too much to let it go.